Recently, my husband and I jumped on the diet train together. Neither one of us are out of shape (we have stayed round for a while now – haha). In all honesty, we started this diet to help us with portion control. A ‘shrink your stomach’ trick so that after a meal, we wouldn’t be tempted to stuff our faces with snacks to feel ‘full’. This ‘diet’ we tried required no eating whatsoever. Brilliant idea, I know. We were instructed to drink a concoction of Grade B syrup, freshly squeezed lemon juice, and cayenne pepper. The creator of The Master Cleanse promised that the juice was full of nutrition our bodies needed; that the mystery mix would retain energy, and we would lose inches.
So, we mixed up our spicy lemonade daily. He and I guzzled about 9 to 12 servings each day, followed by a saltwater ‘flush’ at night (yup, it’s exactly what you’re thinking). The flush contains one tablespoon of sea salt to a liter of warm water. Might as well have drowned me in the ocean. Apparently this strategy is what pushes the toxins out, along with the rest of your innards as far as I’m concerned. Super gross. This cleanse idea has been used by the stars to lose pounds quickly for movie roles, and looking fabulous on the red carpet. Beyoncé, for example, lost twenty of her bootylicious pounds by drinking the miracle mixture for 14 days straight. Check her out!
Most likely her excessive exercise routine helped aid her fat melting abilities. (Exercise? Huh?) She probably had lemons from Paris, squeezed fresh by baby angels. I’d also guess that she owns her own maple tree too. Her diet was no doubt better than what I was about to do to my poor tummy. In the words of her hubby Jay Z, “They ain’t about that life”. Truth be told, I’m not. I love food so much, and this diet was going to be really hard for me – the snack attack woman. I digested the thought that maybe this “dream girl diet” wasn’t a healthy alternative to say, oh I don’t know, maybe a salad and some water? Obviously, if you are not eating for the recommended 10 days, soaking your intestines with citric acid every hour, and crapping all remnants of your being out your — *ahem*, well you know — then of course you will lose weight and inches! What is not mentioned however, is that you also lose muscle mass, tooth enamel, and pride at every trip to a public restroom.
Both my husband and I started off strong the first day. The second afternoon though, we were biting our lips to taste a hint of salt, licking ice cubes, and….wait that was just me….I was doing those things. Cravings for snacks as simple as saltines made our mouths water. On day three of torture, I noticed that my throat was becoming very dry (assuming it was from the cayenne burning through my esophagus), and my teeth were begging me to stop the acid bath I was giving them with each sip. I wanted to eat so bad. ‘Bad’ is a serious understatement. I was hangry all day (hungry + angry…..you get it) and my energy level was low. Watching Food Network was like water boarding my soul.
Making my daughter her meals everyday made me have mini temper tantrums in the kitchen. I just wanted one bite. ONE! I couldn’t take it anymore! I decided to REALLY research this outlandish idea. That same day, after reading through a few articles, I threw out the mix and ate a sandwich (or two). Yes, this diet does show results. It has been around for over 50 years, and proved to be a quick fix to shed some weight and bad eating habits. However, it is an extreme and dangerous way to go about things, in my opinion. Any diet that has you wean off of it by drinking chicken broth, doesn’t sound too appealing or healthy to me. Here is why this cleanse didn’t work for me, and why it is so unhealthy for you.
Let’s take a look at the ingredients of this weight loss liquid. The first, is obviously purified water – Nothing really to describe there. The next, and most tastiest, is Grade B Maple Syrup. Not refined like other sugars, it is dark in color and rich in flavor. Full of Magnesium and antioxidants, this sweet tree nectar is what makes the lemonade delicious. This ingredient is the power source during starvation mode, which is pretty much all ten days. It’s nutrient rich properties will keep you somewhat energized (At least enough to cry through dinner time).
The next ingredients are freshly squeezed lemons. We used some Santa Cruz Organic Lemon Juice. The ‘from concentrate’ stuff in the bottle will not help in your efforts to clear out toxins and the good ‘ol colon. With the fresh juice, your teeth will feel like you just rubbed chalk and dirt all over them. On a positive note, the lemon juice is absolutely lip smackin’ good! Then again so are donuts.
The cayenne pepper speaks for itself. It’s spicy as hell, and unpleasant to swallow after day one. This peppery powder made my throat feel like I was catching Strep everyday. It’s not pleasant (intake or, um – out pour) if you measure wrong. After these simple ingredients are combined, they create an explosion of flavor. With the maple syrup’s sweetness, the lemon’s sour kick, and the cayenne’s pain, the drink is your new best friend – and your ex-boyfriend at the same time. Anytime you become hungry, grab a bottle of the stuff. Thirsty? Go drink some more. It becomes a welcome taste after you do your salt water flush, trust me. Now, what’s plainly missing from this plan? Protein, fat, fiber, and everything that you need to function as a human being.
So, why go to such extremes to lose weight? My answer to that is….because we see the Hollywood do it, and assume it’s healthy. I have seen results of many people that just, eat healthier! Let’s take a gander at these women. Giada De Laurentiis and Khloe Kardashian:
Now, what are their secrets? Khloe lost 25 pounds without going extreme, and Giada is around food all day and looks amazing. Giada explains that her lovely curves are from genetics, portion control, small tastings during the cooking process, and working out a few times a week. How about Khloe Kardashian? Thickly gorgeous with glowing skin. Her secrets? Working out, portion control, hard work, and cutting out sweets. That. Is. It. No starving or extreme dieting. There’s your truth folks. It takes some WORK and CONTROL ladies and gentlemen. The Master Cleanse is an empty promise for those looking to shed fat. So, go grab an apple and cheers to a healthy future!