Just like any other Sunday, our home is cool and quiet. The only sound that can be heard is our pit-beagle Kona snoring, and the breeze squeezing through the mesh of the slider door screen. The neighbor’s tree sways back and forth, tapping on their roof in a cadence I’m sure they are annoyed with. It’s beautiful to look at though, and even when the leaves are gone it stands pretty strong! Cars are showing up at houses next to ours, and children are spilling out of them like a circus clown act. Pretty pink dresses, floppy bows, and bright colored baskets are the scene at our small cul-de-sac we live on. It looks like they’re setting up for a baby GAP photo shoot, good grief. The boys are eager to destroy their fancy pants with some sort of candy or condiment. Tricycles start their engines with toddlers hyped up on sugar ready to rumble. Prring, ring, prring, the bells echo with a push of their tiny thumbs smothered with marshmallows and spit. Mother’s gasp, watching on as the Payless shoes’ pastel straps get stuck in the spokes with each rounded corner. Somehow the handlebars are big enough to hold their stuffed bunny rabbits and cheap bubble gum. “I’m the letter carrier and I have a letter!” one shouts to the other inches away. “Ok let’s ride!” the other pig-tailed pip yells into the wind. Off they go to deliver a very important invisible piece of mail. Being little has its responsibilities!
The wind picked up quite a bit this morning. The tree in the neighbor’s yard wobbled back and forth giving in to the pushes and pulls of each gust. I enjoy watching it sway almost every morning. It dances no matter what season it is, and it’s calming to stare at. I could learn a lot from this tree! Instead, I decide to roll off the couch and make some tea. I realized that I was greeted only by silence. No little feet tripping up the stairs this year. I didn’t hear, “Mom! I waked up!” this morning. Oh ya it’s Easter. There are no eggs in this house, hard boiled, plastic, deviled, or otherwise. Usually I’d be scrambling some up for my sleepy eyed girl. She calls them ‘eggies’. There are only carne asada leftovers in the microwave I forgot to put away (oops!). Smells like a Bueno Easters in the kitchen! Where’s the salsa? Anyways, the only basket is the one that holds our dirty laundry, and it’s overflowing. I already ate all the chocolate we had from the movies yesterday. (Please, any kind of candy in our house doesn’t live to see the next day, let’s be real.) With husband still sleeping soundly to the white noise in the room, I sneak in with the computer and plop down next to him. “Babe, we get to talk to Chloe on Skype!”. I was excited to talk to my daughter who has been away from home since December 29th (almost 4 months now), and the last time we spoke via Skype was about a month ago on her third birthday.
Anxiously waiting to talk to our girl I squish the pillows behind me, and align the video camera. The sound of the Skype call ringing in breaks the depressed silence. The screen opened like a curtain from the blackness we were staring into, and only avatars hung there for a few minutes. I felt like I was in the theater waiting for a Cirque show to begin! Excitement overload! There she was. Her hair longer, her smile more vibrant than ever, and she still makes up words that mean God’s know what in her imagination she’s got. She was in her gorgeous Easter dress with pretty pink shoes, and a little butterfly clip in her thin blonde hair. Even though it was daylight, her smile was my sunshine. Her high pitch giggle the sound of joy, and an obvious sugar rush. She showed us her colorful eggs she hunted for; So proud of herself that she found so many. One plastic egg after the other she told us the candy inside matched the color of the egg, and then proceeded to stuff her mouth like a squirrel storing nuts. When asked a question she would just point. Can’t talk with a mouthful. Good manners kiddo.
Soon we were having a tea party of chocolate, marshmellows, and gooblymubs (I have no clue what that means, but she made them sound delicious!). I was told that I could have cinnamon rolls with my tea, but my husband needed to eat spaghetti, excuse me, ‘pasketti’. After we had a few gallons of tea, and stuffed our bellies to the brim, it was time to say goodbye. Here come the clouds. Saying goodbye on Skype means that we blow kisses that fly like butterflies through the computer, we pretend to hug, and close the cyber world that keeps us connected. It’s hard, and I hate it. Anyway, we did just that. Kissed the camera, gave big huge hugs, told her we loved her……and there went the sunshine. I got up out of bed and took a shower. Tears and water mix well, and I hadn’t gotten ready for the day yet so I went for it. I miss her. We miss her. Everyone misses her. It just seems wrong that my baby, now three, is so far away from me. This house is full yet empty. Our lives are rich yet lacking, and our marriage tested by pointless arguments because of the depression that has settled in. It’s crazy how it’s hard to make sense when the little things are missing.
Easter for my husband and I this year was a gut busting lunch at Yama Sushi. All you can eat, rolls the size of your face. I had 3 like a champ. Don’t judge me. Once home we watched our TV (bowling tournament it was a big one!) and because of his work schedule he headed to bed. This leaves me to blog. Easter is a celebration just as Christmas is, or Birthdays are, or even ringing in the New Year. To me they’re all connected to Jesus being born, dying, rising again, and giving us days to enjoy here on earth. It’s the fun traditions of these holidays that I miss lately without my daughter (says the mother that sobbed in the grocery aisle full of Easter baskets). Embarrassing, yes. However, when you don’t get to do those special things for your kids its a real bummer.
Ever been with a child at Disneyland? Their eyes light up, and they believe what they see is real, tangible, magic. This applies to their imagination of the Easter Bunny, Santa, and the mysterious Miss money bags tooth fairy. I so wish that I still get to experience Chloe’s intrigue during the holidays before her imagination becomes too spoiled. All in all today, even though I feel like I’m missing out, there is so much to be thankful for. I’m thankful that we have holidays like this to celebrate! It means that I am forgiven and free! What’s not to be happy about? It’s almost time for bed and the kids will soon be cranky, the new shoes will be too small next year, the candy will soon be melting……but the tree still sways back and forth no matter the season. It stands strong even when the leaves that make its dance so beautiful are gone. I can learn a lot from this tree.